Crash Course (Left 4 Dead)
NOTE: Beacuse Left 4 Dead technically has no script just a random phrase or quote said now or then, this technically isn't a transcript, but a list of assorted quotes used only in that certain campaign. ALSO: This is DLC Campaign only. Bill (Despite not having any new lines- Bill still talks during the campagin at certain moments) *to Francis comment at The Waterworks "Speak up, Francis, your voice got all muffled from the sound of your head being so far up you ass." *Alternative Line: "You know who is going to survive this mess, Francis? It ain't the fella making jokes. *Starting the generator "Watch my back!" *Alternative Line: I was too old for this horseshit fifteen years ago... Francis *'[ 'Start of the level ] '"Alright, nobody panic. I have a plan." '''Louis: '"Great. What is it?" '''Francis: "Well, it's pretty complicated. I don't want to bore you with a lot of the complex fractions but, step one is it we walk that way." *'[' Upon seeing the pilot's corpse ]''' "Hey Zoey, here's the pilot, in case you wanna shoot him again." : '''Zoey: "He was a ZOMBIE, Francis!" * [' ''When approaching the moving van across from the warehouse's exit '''] "Say. An alley." * [' ''When a horde is approaching during Crash Course '''] "Here they come! Zoey, just pretend they're all helicopter pilots!" : Zoey: "Zombie, Francis! He. Was. A. ZOMBIE!" [' ''Upon seeing the Train Wreck in-town '''] "Whoa... Zoey must've shot the train conductor. Hehe..." Zoey: '''"The pilot was a ZOMBIE, Francis!" / "Okay, you know what? He was a zombie. Zombie, zombie, zombie, not a pilot. He was a zombie, Francis!" *[' ''At the beginning of Crash Course ]''' "Wow! I love helicopters! I love 'em so much..." '''Zoey: "You what?" "[Real concern] Francis, are you all right?" Francis: "Whoa, must've hit my head in the crash. I'm okay now. I hate helicopters." * [' ''When passing large fuel tanks '''] "Hey Zoey, we're passing gas!" Zoey: "Heh, farting." * [' ''Passing steaming pipe '''] "Hey, watch out for that goddamn steam pipe." Zoey: "Man, I love steam." Francis: "Yeah, steam's all right, I guess." / "I hate steam...pipes." / "Oh yeah. I love steam. I just hate the pipes." * [' ''At the large quantities of recycle bins '''] "Thanks for saving the planet, recyclers. Mission accomplished." * [' ''At the beginning of Crash Course '''] "Goddammit! Where'd they buy this helicopter? At the uh...uh...um...hold on." :Zoey: "The shitty pilot store?" ::Francis: "Yeah. Stupid helicopter!" * "Hey Mr. Positive, we just CRASHED! You got something positive to say about that?" :Louis: "We walking away from it, ain't we?" / "That was my first time in a helicopter... It was pretty exciting." ::Francis: Yeah, alright... I'll give you that ::[' ''Alternate Line '''] Louis: "Yeah, I guess so. I bet we don't see any more Witches from now on. Anyone wanna bet me?" *"Hey Louis. That fancy college of yours teach you how to fix a helicopter?" Louis: '''"Have you tried turning it off and on again?" '''Francis: "You're kidding, right?" *"You're still wearing that tie Louis? What? You got a meeting? Haha." :Louis: "Heh, that's funny, Francis. Why don't you take your mustache, your little vest, and your chaps, and go find yourself a parade!" ::Francis: "[Grumbling] Don't see what's wrong with vests..." / "...Not even wearin' chaps..." / "I hate parades." * "See? I told you. Helicopter crashed. We're not saved. We're all gonna die. Pay up." :Louis: "Francis, why would you bet that we're doomed?" ::Francis: "'Cuz it's money in the bank. Remind me to explain gambling to you sometime." *'Zoey: '"Okay, important safety tip: Don't get in a helicopter with a zombie pilot." Francis: '"Yeah well next time someone offers us a ride, don't shoot him." / "Or in this case, a vampire." '''Zoey: '"He was a zombie, Francis." *"This sign says 'I hate Mondays'. Man, tell me about it! Unless it's lasagna Monday. I love lasagna." *"I used to work for Hersch once, until some guy laughed at my little brown shorts and I beat him to death." *[' ''When seeing the Riverside sign ']' "Riverside? Aww, I hate Canada." / "Oh my God, I hate Canada so much!" / "If there's one thing I hate more than vampires, it's Canada, eh!" : Zoey/'Louis:' "Canada? Francis, we're in Pennsylvania" / Zoey: "Yeah. Canadians are dicks." : Francis: "Man! I've been hatin' Riverside all this time for nothin'." *'[' Very rarely, when seeing a Hunter or hearing a Boomer after seeing the Riverside sign without Zoey or Louis correcting him '] '"I hear a Boomer! And it sounded Canadian!" "Hunter! It looked Canadian." *"Is that how helicopters are supposed to land?" Louis: '"Uh huh." '''Francis: '"That's what I thought." 'Zoey: '"Well boys, I guess we're walking." *"I still can't believe you shot the pilot." 'Zoey: '"He turned in a zombie, Francis. He wasn't gonna land the thing." 'Francis: '"Well, I guess now we'll never know will we?" *['' Upon seeing a For Lease sign'' ] "For lease. Anybody got a pen? I wanna write this number down." / "For lease." 'Louis: '"I'd be damned, Francis! When'd you learn to read?" *[ When he saw the Eastern Waterworks sign ] '"Waterworks. That where you pick up your crying supplies Bill? Hahahaha...I am hilarious!" '''Bill: "Speak up, Francis! Your voice got all muffled from your head being so far up your ass!" / "You know who's gonna survive this mess, Francis? It ain't the fella making jokes." Louis *'[' At the start of the campaign ]' "Well boys, I guess we're walkin." :'Francis: "I hate walking." :Louis: "But five minutes ago you hated flying." :Francis: "And it turns out I was right about that." *"He turned into a zombie, Francis. He wasn't going to land the thing." *"A zombie chopper pilot? Uggh! You have got to be kidding me. We were almost home free, dammit!" :Francis: "Wait...what happened?" *'[' When a Horde is approaching on Crash Course ]''' '''Francis: "Here they come! Zoey, just pretend they're all helicopter pilots." :Zoey: "Zombie, Francis! He. Was. A. Zombie!" *'[' Upon seeing the dead helicopter pilot ]''' "Pilot's license...REVOKED! Dunn-dunnnn-dunnnnn!" *[' ''Passing steam pipe ]''' '''Francis: "Hey, watch out for that goddamn steam pipe." :Zoey: '"Man, I ''love steam." (Reference to the Steam online game server; Francis' answers may allude to the mistaken idea that the Internet is a series of "tubes" or "pipes.") :'Francis: '"Yeah, steam's alright I guess." / "I hate steam...pipes." / "Oh yeah. I love steam. I just hate the pipes." *[' ''When walking past fuel tanks ] Zoey: "Hey Francis, look. We're passing gas. Hahaha..." :Francis: "Haha. Nice." :Lines Francis: "Hey Look! We're passing gas! :Zoey: Chuckles "...Fart jokes." *'[' Upon spotting the Howitzer ]''' "We can cross the river on that bridge!" *"Barricade. Big-ass gun. Anybody got any ideas?" *[' ''Seeing a rack of magazines ]' "Hey Francis, they've got the latest issue of Hating Everything Magazine here." :'Francis: "I hate latest issues." *'[' In a room with several boxes ]' "Free copy paper?! Sweet! The apocalypse was ''totally worth it!" *"Funny, sexy, brunette zombie killer wanted to lead three helpless men to safety." *[' ''Often upon seeing some birds in Crash Course ] Francis: '"I hate birds." :Zoey: "Yeah, birds are dicks!" *'[' Upon seeing metal supply plant during The Truck Depot Finale ]''' "Metal supply? Oh thank god, I was running low on metal." (Iron or Tungsten) *[' ''Seeing the escape vehicle on the lift ]''' "I want that truck." *"Now that...is a badass truck." *[' ''When starting the generator on Crash Course ]''' "Powering it up. This'll just take a second. Come on, generator. Come on." *"Come ON, you stupid generator for jerks!" *"Alright guys! Real brave. I guess I'll do it...by MYSELF." *[' ''Before starting the Crescendo Event on The Alleys during Crash Course ]''' "Someone's gotta fire this big ass machine gun." *[' ''Upon seeing the pilot's corpse ]''' "Poor guy. He tried to help us." *[' ''At the start of Crash Course ]''' "I've got a bad feeling about this...Oh, it passed. I think we're gonna be just fine." *[' ''At the start of Crash Course ]''' '''Francis: "Hey Louie, Why are you still wearing that tie? Got a meeting to go to? HAH!" :Louis: "Yeah that's funny Francis, why don't you take your little mustache, and your vest and find yourself a parade?" ::Francis: "I don't see whats wrong with vests..." *'[' When starting the generator ]''' "C'mon, c'mon, you damn generator, start!" *[When coming across an alley in Truck Depot Finale ] '"Hey Francis, wasn't this the alley you were born in?" 'Francis: '"Yeah, hahaha. Is this the one you're gonna die in?" *"Team building exercise every Tuesday. Man, they ought to try this zombie bullshit." *"Well I guess we're walking." :'Francis: '"I hate walking." ::'Louis: '"But five minutes ago, you hated flying." :::'Francis: '"And it turns out I was right about that." *"On the bright, look at all the great scenery we would've missed if we flew over this in a helicopter, huh." *[ ''Upon seeing a magazine rack ''] "Wall Street Weekly. There's no more Wall Street Weekly. Damn!" *"So I'm thinking, either we're immune from all this or we're getting real lucky. *[ ''When he sees the Recycling factory ''] "We get out of this alive, I can't wait to have to recycle shit again." *[ ''When coming across a sign that says For Lease ''] Francis:' "For Lease. Anybody got a pen? I wanna write this number down", or "For Lease". :'Louis:' "I'd be damned, Francis! When'd you learn to read?" Zoey *'[' ''At the start of the campaign ]' "Well boys, I guess we're walkin." :'Francis: "I hate walking." :Louis: "But five minutes ago you hated flying." :Francis: "And it turns out I was right about that." *"He turned into a zombie, Francis. He wasn't going to land the thing." *"A zombie chopper pilot? Uggh! You have got to be kidding me. We were almost home free, dammit!" :Francis: "Wait...what happened?" *'[' When a Horde is approaching on Crash Course ]''' '''Francis: "Here they come! Zoey, just pretend they're all helicopter pilots." :Zoey: "Zombie, Francis! He. Was. A. Zombie!" *'[' Upon seeing the dead helicopter pilot ]''' "Pilot's license...REVOKED! Dunn-dunnnn-dunnnnn!" *[' ''Passing steam pipe ]''' '''Francis: "Hey, watch out for that goddamn steam pipe." :Zoey: '"Man, I ''love steam." (Reference to the Steam online game server; Francis' answers may allude to the mistaken idea that the Internet is a series of "tubes" or "pipes.") :'Francis: '"Yeah, steam's alright I guess." / "I hate steam...pipes." / "Oh yeah. I love steam. I just hate the pipes." *[' ''When walking past fuel tanks ] Zoey: "Hey Francis, look. We're passing gas. Hahaha..." :Francis: "Haha. Nice." :Lines Francis: "Hey Look! We're passing gas! :Zoey: Chuckles "...Fart jokes." *'[' Upon spotting the Howitzer ]''' "We can cross the river on that bridge!" *"Barricade. Big-ass gun. Anybody got any ideas?" *[' ''Seeing a rack of magazines ]' "Hey Francis, they've got the latest issue of Hating Everything Magazine here." :'Francis: "I hate latest issues." *'[' In a room with several boxes ]' "Free copy paper?! Sweet! The apocalypse was ''totally worth it!" *"Funny, sexy, brunette zombie killer wanted to lead three helpless men to safety." *[' ''Often upon seeing some birds in Crash Course ] Francis: '"I hate birds." :Zoey: "Yeah, birds are dicks!" *'[' Upon seeing metal supply plant during The Truck Depot Finale ]''' "Metal supply? Oh thank god, I was running low on metal." (Iron or Tungsten) *[' ''Seeing the escape vehicle on the lift ]''' "I want that truck." *"Now that...is a badass truck." *[' ''When starting the generator on Crash Course ] "Powering it up. This'll just take a second. Come on, generator. Come on." *"Come ON, you stupid generator for jerks!" *"Alright guys! Real brave. I guess I'll do it...by MYSELF."